I believe this generation who have children in elementary to seniors in high school are the most child-oriented generation of parents – ever. You’ve spent years parenting and now your child/children are off to college and/or off to the work world. What now? Face-to-face with your spouse you must determine what is still viable in your relationship. Do you find you have nothing to say or can you fill the space with fun activities, conversations not related to children, Can you find new aspects of your lives where you may indulge in together? In all probability you are facing new challenges. You may find you’ve grown apart and you’re confronting someone who is a relative stranger.

Do you find you have nothing in common? If you kids are almost ready to leave home, think carefully about what your life might be like in that situation. If you find a chasm has grown between you and spouse and that for years your children were simply buffers to avoid dealing with the growing void, then you must do some mental gymnastics. A good idea is to do it before the last one goes off.

Start to take time for yourselves. Go on dates and/or long walks. Communicate even if you expect resistance. Push for it. Revive conversations and interests that existed before having children. Pull up those events you enjoyed together. Start to analyze together whether they are still viable to share. Some will be and some will not. Then why not come up with new activities you both might enjoy. An awful lot has changed in the last couple of decades so investigate. If he likes high-tech and you like film festivals negotiate what parts you might want to share. If you do them apart totally, discuss with each other what value it presents to you. And, for heaven’s sake. Listen to each other.

This might be a time to do some traveling. Pick spots that have always attracted you. Lots of travel can be done on a budget. So someone has the penthouse in a resort hotel, well you can be in the same hotel in a much smaller room but have the same advantages. It’s not, in all probability, the time to retire but that is something that needs to be discussed and from all angles. It’s a good idea to do your research before about various types of travel or activities that has appeal to both. It’s not too late even if you realize the next hurdle after seeing the children off is a big one. It can be done when facing the inevitable. Doing the basics might save a marriage. It is a time when the rate of divorces increases. And it will take some strain off of both of you to be prepared whether for the good or bad.

Copyright 2025 Frances Metzman
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